Most of what you worry about never happens
Most of what we worry about never happens. In a 2020 Penn State study, people with generalized anxiety disorder wrote down their worries for ten days, then checked back on them. About 91% of those worries never came true. Writing down what you're afraid of, and then checking what actually happened, is one of the simplest ways to quiet the what-ifs.
It's 11:40 at night. The house is finally quiet. And your brain decides now is the perfect time to replay the email your biggest client sent this afternoon. It was two lines long. No "thanks!" at the end. Is she unhappy? Is she leaving? What happens to your month if she leaves?
By midnight you've lost the client, missed payroll, and moved back in with your parents. All from two lines with no exclamation point.
I know this one because I've done it. And I hear some version of it from clients every single week.
What the research found
In 2020, Lucas LaFreniere and Michelle Newman at Penn State asked people with generalized anxiety disorder to write down their worries several times a day for ten days. Then, over the next month, they went back and checked. Did the thing they feared actually happen?
About 91% of the time, it didn't. For a lot of the participants, none of their worries came true at all.
Think about who was in that study. These weren't casual worriers. These were people with an anxiety disorder. If anyone's predictions should've been dark and accurate, it's theirs. And they were still wrong nine times out of ten.
The even better news: after seeing their own results, people's worry tended to go down. Not because someone told them to relax. Because they had proof.
So why does your brain do this? Worry feels useful. It feels like you're preparing. Like if you think about the bad thing hard enough, you'll be ready for it. But most of the time, you're not preparing. You're just rehearsing. Over and over, for something that probably won't happen.
And it costs you. Worry drains the energy you need for the actual work. It's also one of the big hidden reasons we procrastinate, which I've written about before.
Try a worry log
Here's a simple version of what the study did. You can do it in your notes app.
Write the worry down when it shows up. One line. "Client is unhappy and might leave."
Add a check-back date. A week or two out.
Ask one question: what's in my control? If there's an action, like sending a quick "Just checking in, how's everything feeling on your end?", put it on your list. If there's nothing to do, write "nothing to do" and leave it there.
On the check-back date, mark what happened. Did it come true? Was it as bad as you thought?
After a few weeks, you'll have your own data. And your data is a lot harder to argue with than me telling you not to worry.
The client with the two-line email? She was sitting in a car line at school pickup, typing with one thumb. She renewed the next month.
When it's late at night
If the worrying happens when you're trying to sleep, get it out of your head and onto paper. Your brain holds on tight to anything it thinks you might forget. Once it's written down somewhere you trust, it can let go. That's the whole idea behind letting your brain forget.
And if worry is running your days, not just your nights, please talk to a doctor or therapist. That's not a weakness. That's using the right tool.
If you want help figuring out what's actually in your control each week, and someone to keep you moving on it, let's talk.
Frequently asked questions
What percentage of worries come true?
In a 2020 study by LaFreniere and Newman, about 91% of the worries people tracked never came true. Many participants had none of their worries come true.
How do I stop worrying about my business at night?
Write each worry down, decide whether there's an action you can take, and set a date to check back. Getting it on paper tells your brain it doesn't have to hold onto it.
Does keeping a worry log really help?
In the Penn State study, people who tracked whether their worries came true tended to worry less afterward, because they had evidence their fears were usually wrong.
Sources: LaFreniere, L. S., & Newman, M. G. (2020). Exposing worry's deceit: Percentage of untrue worries in generalized anxiety disorder treatment. Behavior Therapy, 51(3), 413–423.
