You'll regret what you didn't do
Over the long run, people regret the things they didn't do more than the things they did. In their 1995 research on regret, psychologists Thomas Gilovich and Victoria Husted Medvec found that mistakes we make sting more in the short term, but when people look back over their lives, their biggest regrets are mostly chances they didn't take. The safe choice often isn't as safe as it feels.
I had a client tell me recently that he's planning to build his own boat and float the entire Mississippi River.
I'll be honest, I laughed at first. He's never built a boat. It's going to take way longer than buying one.
But the more I sat with it, the more I loved it. Because time is going to pass either way. A year from now, he'll either have built the boat or he won't. And I know which story his grandkids are going to want to hear.
That's how I think about a lot of hard choices. Time's gonna pass either way. Might as well do the hard one.
What the research says
In 1995, Thomas Gilovich and Victoria Husted Medvec pulled together years of research on regret.
They found a pattern that shows up over and over. In the short term, people regret their actions more. The awkward thing you said, the bad investment, the time you tried something and failed. Those sting right away.
But over the long term, it flips. When people look back on their lives, most of their biggest regrets are things they didn't do. The business they didn't start. The trip they didn't take. The conversation they never had.
Why? Part of it is that we make peace with our mistakes. We learn from them, find the silver lining, and move on. But the chances we didn't take stay open-ended forever. We never find out what would have happened, so we keep wondering.
What this means for your business
Most business owners I coach aren't held back by a lack of ideas. They're held back by a fear of the short-term sting.
What if I launch and nobody buys? What if I raise my prices and lose a client? What if I post the video and people think it's cringey?
Those are real risks. But they're short-term risks. And research says the long-term risk, the regret of never trying, tends to be heavier.
Plus, people are paying much less attention to your possible flop than you think. That's the spotlight effect.
How to use regret on purpose
Fast-forward five years. Ask, "Which choice will I regret more: trying and failing, or never trying?" Be honest.
Name the worst realistic outcome. Not the catastrophe your brain invents at midnight. The realistic one. Usually it's survivable.
Find the smallest version. You don't have to quit your job and go all in. Run a small test. Make one offer. Have one conversation.
Put a date on it. A leap you'll "eventually" take is one you'll regret not taking. Decide when and where.
Do the hard one. When you're stuck between two reasonable choices and one scares you a little more, that's often the one that matters.
Worst case, best case
When a client is torn about something, I often ask them to finish two sentences.
"Worst case, I..."
"Best case, I..."
Usually the worst case is something like "spend some money and feel a little embarrassed." And the best case is something that could change their year. And when you see those side by side, the choice gets a lot clearer.
If there's something you keep saying "someday" to, and you want someone to help you finally take the leap, let's talk.
Frequently asked questions
Do people regret action or inaction more?
In the short term, people often regret actions more. Over the long term, research by Gilovich and Medvec found people's biggest regrets are mostly things they didn't do.
Why do we regret inaction more over time?
We tend to learn from and make peace with our mistakes, but missed chances stay open-ended. We never find out what would have happened, so we keep wondering.
How do I make a hard decision without regret?
Imagine looking back in five years, name the realistic worst case, try a smaller version first, and put a specific date on taking action.
Sources: Gilovich, T., & Medvec, V. H. (1995). The experience of regret: What, when, and why. Psychological Review, 102(2), 379–395.
