Stop comparing your week to their highlight reel
Comparing yourself to other people on social media can quietly lower your self-esteem. In a 2014 study, Erin Vogel and her colleagues found that people who used Facebook more often had lower self-esteem, largely because they made more upward comparisons, measuring themselves against people who seemed to be doing better. Their social feeds showed everyone's best moments, and people compared those to their own everyday lives.
You open Instagram for "just a second" between client calls.
Someone in your industry just hit six figures in a month. Someone else launched a beautiful new website. A third person is posting from a beach with the caption "my business runs itself."
You close the app. You look at your to-do list. And suddenly your perfectly good week feels like failure.
What the research found
In 2014, Erin Vogel and a team of researchers looked at how Facebook use affects how people feel about themselves.
In one study, people who used Facebook more often had lower self-esteem. When the researchers dug in, a big part of the reason was upward comparison: people comparing themselves to others who seemed more successful, healthier, or happier.
In another study, people looked at a social media profile that was either "upward" (lots of activity, healthy posts, a busy social life) or more ordinary. The people who looked at the upward profile felt worse about themselves afterward.
It doesn't take much. A few minutes of someone else's highlight reel can change how you feel about your own life.
Why it hits business owners hard
You see everyone's launches and none of their refunds. You see their sold-out programs and none of their sleepless nights. You see the beach photo and not the six hours of client emails they answered from the hotel room.
Then you compare all of that to the inside of your own business, where you see everything. The mess, the doubt, the tasks that slipped. It's not a fair fight. It never will be.
And if you already struggle with feeling like you don't measure up, comparison pours gas on it. That's a big part of feeling like a fraud, and it's tied up with the pressure behind rising perfectionism.
What to do instead
Notice how you feel after scrolling. If you consistently feel worse, that's useful information.
Set boundaries on when you scroll. Not first thing in the morning. Not between client calls. Pick a time when you're not already vulnerable.
Mute without guilt. If someone's posts always leave you feeling behind, mute them. They'll never know, and you'll feel better.
Post more than you scroll. Use social media to create and connect, not just consume.
Compare yourself to past you. Look at where your business was a year ago. That's the only comparison that's actually fair.
What it looks like
A client of mine was convinced she was "so far behind" everyone else in her industry. Every week she brought me someone new who was doing better. So we pulled up her numbers from a year earlier. Since last year she'd doubled her client list, raised her prices, and hired her first assistant.
She'd been so busy watching everyone else, she hadn't noticed how far she'd come.
If you want someone to help you keep your eyes on your own progress, let's talk.
Frequently asked questions
Does social media lower self-esteem?
Research by Vogel and colleagues (2014) found that more frequent Facebook use was linked to lower self-esteem, mostly because people compared themselves to others who seemed to be doing better.
What is upward social comparison?
Upward social comparison is comparing yourself to people who seem better off than you. It can be motivating sometimes, but it often leaves people feeling worse about themselves.
How do I stop comparing my business to others?
Notice how scrolling makes you feel, limit when you scroll, mute accounts that leave you feeling behind, and compare your business to where it was a year ago.
Sources: Vogel, E. A., Rose, J. P., Roberts, L. R., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 206–222.
